Air Supply

I think Air Supply is one of the most underrated bands of all time.

COCK

I love it when you guys send me photos of yourselves and tell me you like to whack off to me. It gets me hot and wet thinking about it. Those of you who follow my blog know how much I love posting these photos. Keep 'em coming (pun intended).

HUMOR IS SEXY

I hate facial hair, but I'd make an exception in his case, because he's so damn funny. I would marry him and bear his children...his mutant, hairy, maladjusted children. I would even convert to Greek Orthodox for him. His intellect moves me. I want to live with him in the foothills of North Carolina, where we'd both grow old fucking and writing in our writer's retreat. I would make him wear a jock strap, instead of boxers or briefs. We'd celebrate our anniversary every year by road-tripping to Mexico to watch wrestling. I would allow him to drink himself to death in the name of art.

Horniness

Why does this image make me horny? LOL

NAUGHTY SCHOOLGIRL

By far, my favorite role is that of the naughty schoolgirl. I love to wear my short plaid skirt, white bobby socks, black Mary Jane shoes, short-sleeved white shirt, and class tie. I look so cute and innocent in my uniform, but deep down, under that sweet exterior, beats the heart of a belligerent, misbehaving brat who is long overdue for some punishment.

You have a mind to grab her, put her over your knees, hold her by her pigtails, lift her skirt, and spank her white cotton-pantied bottom until it's red hot.

But, watch out! Do that, and your brat will start to drip cunt juice out of her slutty little gash right before your eyes. Her nipples will poke through her blouse and her ass will rise in the air, squirming for more.

You pull her panties up tight against her bottom, so tight that they disappear in her ass crack. This makes her moan. Her moaning gets you hot. She feels your prick grow into her belly as you spank her harder. You need relief. It's her fault you have a boner. If she hadn't been squirming like that, you wouldn't have gotten hard.

You pull her off your lap and force her on her knees. You grab her pigtails and pull back, so her face looks up at you. You use your other hand to lower your zipper. You tell her to take out what's in your pants. She reaches in and pulls out your massive stiff one. You use your free hand to pry open her mouth, using your dick like a crowbar. She tries to spit it out, but you shove it deeper until she gags on it. You make her hold it at the back of her throat to the count of ten. She gasps for air and pushes you away. You have no choice but to hogtie her in the kneeling position. Your jizz has to come out and she's going to have to take her medicine.

You have her wrists tied behind her back. Her ankles are tied together and you have them connected to her wrist restraints. Her back is arched, jutting her enormous breasts forward. You have her tits bound with rope. They've turned purple from the tight ropes encircling them. You clamped her nipples and hung a heavy weight on the chain connecting the two nipple clamps. Her cunt lips are covered in clothespins and her ass is filled with the biggest plug you could find. She's sitting on a massive dildo. She's wearing a posture collar that forces her face upward, bringing her mouth at crotch level. Her schoolgirl uniform is laying on the floor where you made her strip it off for you.

You come at her with your rock hard staff, grab the back of her head, and force fuck her mouth with no mercy. She needs to learn her lesson. If the little bitch is going to act like a whore, you'll treat her like one. You jam your dick in and out of her drooling mouth, gagging her on your length, filling her mouth with your pre-cum. You're about to cum, so you force her face down on you and hold it there, pumping your giant load down her throat. Her eyes are watering and she's making choking sounds. You drain every last drop. She can breathe when you're finished.

This slut needs her cherry popped. You have a surprise for her tomorrow. You tell her to come into your office after school tomorrow. She shudders as you tell her this, while you are removing her bonds, your cock pulses with aftershocks. This gash is going to be trained for your pleasure. She needs this. You're going to teach her everything about pleasure and pain. She is yours to use.

Joe Jonas

I want to turn his purity ring black! Yum! Big, fat twenty year old Evangelical Christian virgin cock. Oh, Mama!

I'd do her.

The Old Question

I thought I'd answer the old question, "Who would you choose to have dinner conversation with, living or dead, if you could do so with anyone?"

There are so many that it's hard to narrow it down, but I'll take a stab at it.

Mae West
Katherine Hepburn
Hunter S Thompson
Jesus Christ
Erik Satie
Amelia Earhart
Mary Jo Kopechne
JonBenét Ramsey
Lizzie Borden
Frederick Nietzsche
Audrey Hepburn
Cary Grant
Salvador Dali
Marilyn Monroe
Ernest Hemmingway
Leonardo da Vinci
Julia Child

RIP Ted Kennedy

Whether or not you agree with his politics, you have to respect the fact that he loved America and served her well for many years. His dedication was immeasurable. When I think of him, the first words that come to mind are compassion, dedication, and sexy. And, that's not such a bad legacy to leave behind.

Wise Words

Love the earth and sun and animals,
Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks,
Stand up for the stupid and crazy,
Devote your income and labor to others...
And your very flesh shall be a great poem.
-- Walt Whitman

National Masturbation Month & Fat Pussies

May is National Masturbation Month.

The celebration reaches its climax on May 28, which is National Masturbation Day.

According to statistics, 94% of males and 70% of females claim that they masturbate. These stats seem a little low for both genders to me, but what do I know?

I've decided to take things into my own hands (hell ya, pun intended) and do my damnedest to celebrate the month to its fullest.

March 2, 2009

Chatsworth, Calif. - Topco Sales introduces April Flores' Voluptuous CyberSkin Pussy, exclusive to the Wildfire Celebrity Series.

The piece, which weighs in at almost 8 pounds, gives fans of BBW a new way to live out their fantasies.

"Topco Sales outdid themselves with my coochie," Flores said. "She is an exact replica of me - big, bold and beautiful."

Molded directly from the star, the piece realistically replicates April's fleshy folds and soft, ample thighs. It is the first BBW piece in the company's Wildfire Celebrity Series. It is waterproof, phthalate-free, and made in the U.S.

"April Flores is the first plus-sized star to have her body made available to the consumer by Topco Sales," said Desiree Duffie, director of marketing and public relations for Topco Sales. "We are thrilled that she has chosen to work exclusively with us to bring her toys to BBW fans."

April Flores has starred in numerous films and has been featured in countless magazines. Voted one of Fleshbot's Crush Objects of 2006, she has a massive and rabid following within the BBW fan community.

Who would you rather bang?

I am not surprised by Ann Coulter's rant about Meghan McCain's weight. Listen, Ann, lots of men enjoy a woman with a little meat on their bones. If you consider Meghan fat, you need to have your head examined. She is gorgeous. You are not. You haven't even seen better days. You've always been a dried up, bitter douche. If you clear the cobwebs from your rancid meat pie, perhaps someone will give you the O you so desperately need.

I am not surprised, because, once again, Ann baby demonstrates her intelligence. She can't even come up with a legitimate criticism of Meghan, so she resorts to a weight slam. How very third grade of her. I can hear her now, "Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the kitchen door..." Yes, Ann, you're brilliant, just like a bright, shiny turd.

AT THE MOVIES

He's sitting next to me. We are silent. Our eyes are fixed on the screen. I can smell him. Testosterone fills the air. He's not concentrating on the movie. He's distracted by my tits and memories of past encounters between his dick and I. I can smell him. The stale air is thick with old popcorn and desire. I can smell him. There's lust and filth filtering through my nostrils. He's jonesing. He wants it. He thinks I might be watching the film. He's being polite. He's not coming on to me. I might be enthralled with the formulaic blather sputtering through the speaker or the mundane scenes flickering from the projector, so he leaves me alone.

I decide to take him.

I throw myself against him. My hand is undoing his belt. I'm unbuttoning his pants before he can protest. He's unzipped before he can utter a word. He can't talk now. My lips are pressed against his. My tongue is worming its way into his mouth. My tongue grabs his and they wrestle. My hand is fiddling with his penis, freeing it from his pants.

I know what he needs, a good build up. I'll bring him close and take him back. I'll tease his cock until he begs for release.

I look into his eyes. I don't let him look away. I never look down. My hand has eyes. My hand is on automatic. I'm in his head. I know what it wants. I know how to work it. My mouth never leaves his. I kiss him passionately. His kisses plead his case. I ignore his appeal. I play his dick like a fiddle, back and forth, up and down. The rhythm of my hand. The beat of his moans. The symphony of our heat. He's close. He wants it. I know when to back off, when to press on. It's unfair. It's torture. It's sublime.

My cunt is dripping with longing. I'm craving it, but I want it to be controlled, specific. He's gonna cum when I decide the time is right. I'm in control. He wants it to conclude. He wants it to continue. We're craving release. I remove my mouth from his lips. I stare more deeply into his wanton eyes. I smile lasciviously. His eyes petition me for mercy. I stroke harder and faster in a corkscrew fashion. I'm pulling out his seed. I slow down. My touch is softer. I avoid the head. I squeeze out the last of his spirit. His eyes close. His breath slows. The moans subside. My cunt drips between my thighs.

No napkins or tissues. I lean over and lap up his cum. No need for napkins or tissues. The taste has me feverish. I grab his hand and suck his fingers. I push them under my skirt and into my twat. I pull his fingers out and stick them back in my mouth. My juices taste like sex. I smell sex. Cunt. I reach down and stroke my clit. I rub myself while I lick the last of my sex off his fingers. I cum. I squirt. No napkins or tissues. It'll have to soak into the seat in front of me. No need for napkins or tissues.

We're done. The movie is over. He pulls the car out of the noisy parking garage. He's hoping for road head. He'll get it. No need for napkins or tissues.

NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BREATH

Why is it always the guys with foul breath who insist on attacking you with their lizard tongue? I love to kiss, but not when it makes me gag. If a lady asks you to gargle, put the mouthwash in your mouth and gargle until the count of sixty. The lady shouldn't even have to ask you to do this. Good breath is basic hygiene and easy to accomplish.

Bad breath lives on your tongue. It's that thing in your mouth that helps you speak and taste stuff, the thing you like to awkwardly jab down your victim's throat. Basic oral hygiene 101 dictates that you brush your teeth and floss thoroughly every morning and every evening before you go to bed.

If you have a date, brush your teeth no more than an hour before it. More importantly, brush your tongue. My toothbrush has a tongue scraper on the backside of the regular bristle head. Go as far back as you can. I can control my gag reflex so well that I can brush all the way down to my lungs, but this is unnecessary. Just do your best to brush as far back as possible on your tongue. Holding your breath helps. Then, use mouthwash. Then, chew a piece of Eclipse or another brand of minty gum that is specifically designed to freshen breath.

When you arrive at your date's place or she arrives at your place, spit out your gum. Wait until the last minute to do this. The gum should be chewed for at least a half hour to have the proper effect.

If you follow my advice, you will find that you are smothered in kisses by your date, instead of watching her cover her nose with her hand as she backs away.

Imagine that!

THE ALTERED STATE OF DRUGGACHUSETTES

Sometimes, I wish I did drugs. LOL.

LUST

$1,000,000 to the person who can bring her to me dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with anime puffs in her pigtails and cute Mary Jane shoes on her feet, so I can ravage every inch of her hot body with my perverted mouth and hands. Look at those tits!

DENTISTS ARE KINKY

I waited for him upstairs in my candlelit bedroom. I left the front door open, so he could slip in quietly. He took off his boots and locked the front door behind him. I heard him on the stairs. My heart pounded in my ears. He came through my bedroom door, adjusting his eyes to the dim light. I told him to make himself more comfortable. He asked me how comfortable. I told him to strip. I was feeling rather dominant. It was his lucky day.

He got nude and laid on the bed as instructed. I asked him what kind of music he likes and turned on my tunes. I was ready to rock. I laid next to him and got down by his dick, which was semi-hard. I started petting his prick, making it harder with each teasing stroke. I was getting really turned on. I could feel my hairy cunt moistening between my legs. I wanted to hop on his dick, but the urge to torture and torment overcame my lust to satisfy my kitty. His cock and ass were mine!

I grabbed a medium butt plug, a long vibrator, a bottle of lube, my riding crop, and the tie from my silk robe. I giggled and noticed he was a bit startled. I caught him staring at my cleavage which spilled out of my plum-colored silk, floor-length negligie. I slipped next to him and heard him exclaim, "You like being in charge, don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, I like a little control. It depends on my mood."

I hopped off the bed and moved to the side where he was laying. I reached underneath the bed, and pulled out one of the four-point restraints hidden there. I secured his left wrist. The corner of my eye caught sight of his cock growing. This kinky little bitch needed to be used by a horny slut like me. He was going to be my bitch.

I got on the bed next to him and told him to roll over on his left side. I told him to reach back with his right hand and spread his asscheeks for me. I wanted his asshole exposed. I poured a little lube on his bunghole and lubed up the vibrator. I slid it in gently and turned it on. I needed to fuck his ass. My cunt was getting hot. I could feel its steamy wetness dribbling down my thigh.

I gently pumped the vibrator in and out of his ass and told him to roll on his back. His cock was really hard. I took it in my mouth and licked the shaft, teasing the head with flicks of my tongue. I heard him groan with the movements of my mouth on his cock.

If I saw the vibrator slipping out, I would gently push it back in, but his wanton asshole was greedily keeping it in place. It would only pop out as the result of the flexing of his pelvic muscles, which was induced by my deep throating. His cock pulsed as I went down its entirety. The vibrating stimulation to his prostate was intensifying the actions of my mouth.

I turned my attention to his ballsack, licking and softly sucking his nuts. He groaned louder and told me how good it felt. I fucked his ass with the vibrator as I covered his scrotum with my shiny saliva. His balls were shaved smooth, perfect for my lavish attention. I fucked his ass, licked his balls, and stroked his cock. He groaned and shot his first load.

I gave him tissues and baby wipes to clean up his spunk while I prepared the butt plug with a condom and generous lube. I told him to roll over again and spread his asscheeks as he had before. I inserted the thick butt plug into his anus and made him roll over onto his back. I took the robe tie in my hands and wrapped it tightly around the base of his balls and cock, winding it until his package had a leash for me to tug. I tugged it, arousing his rod to stiffness. I used the riding crop to tap softly on his balls and cock, teasing him with the threat of my weapon. I used the crop to urge his dick into its fullest erection.

I went down on him again, deep throating him with every other stroke of my mouth. Then, I told him I was going to tease his prick until it came into my mouth. I told him I would make him taste his own cum on my lips after he came. His cock pulsed and he shot a huge load on his stomach. I kept stroking his cock lightly, avoiding the sensitive head, squeezing out every last drop of his jizz.

We went on like this for hours...

BEST MOVIE FIGHT EVER

No matter how many times I see this fight it still cracks me up...no pun intended.

Transportation

I found the perfect ways for me to get around. :-)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday today.