I hate facial hair, but I'd make an exception in his case, because he's so damn funny. I would marry him and bear his children...his mutant, hairy, maladjusted children. I would even convert to Greek Orthodox for him. His intellect moves me. I want to live with him in the foothills of North Carolina, where we'd both grow old fucking and writing in our writer's retreat. I would make him wear a jock strap, instead of boxers or briefs. We'd celebrate our anniversary every year by road-tripping to Mexico to watch wrestling. I would allow him to drink himself to death in the name of art.
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