Joe Jonas

I want to turn his purity ring black! Yum! Big, fat twenty year old Evangelical Christian virgin cock. Oh, Mama!

I'd do her.

The Old Question

I thought I'd answer the old question, "Who would you choose to have dinner conversation with, living or dead, if you could do so with anyone?"

There are so many that it's hard to narrow it down, but I'll take a stab at it.

Mae West
Katherine Hepburn
Hunter S Thompson
Jesus Christ
Erik Satie
Amelia Earhart
Mary Jo Kopechne
JonBenét Ramsey
Lizzie Borden
Frederick Nietzsche
Audrey Hepburn
Cary Grant
Salvador Dali
Marilyn Monroe
Ernest Hemmingway
Leonardo da Vinci
Julia Child

RIP Ted Kennedy

Whether or not you agree with his politics, you have to respect the fact that he loved America and served her well for many years. His dedication was immeasurable. When I think of him, the first words that come to mind are compassion, dedication, and sexy. And, that's not such a bad legacy to leave behind.

Wise Words

Love the earth and sun and animals,
Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks,
Stand up for the stupid and crazy,
Devote your income and labor to others...
And your very flesh shall be a great poem.
-- Walt Whitman

National Masturbation Month & Fat Pussies

May is National Masturbation Month.

The celebration reaches its climax on May 28, which is National Masturbation Day.

According to statistics, 94% of males and 70% of females claim that they masturbate. These stats seem a little low for both genders to me, but what do I know?

I've decided to take things into my own hands (hell ya, pun intended) and do my damnedest to celebrate the month to its fullest.

March 2, 2009

Chatsworth, Calif. - Topco Sales introduces April Flores' Voluptuous CyberSkin Pussy, exclusive to the Wildfire Celebrity Series.

The piece, which weighs in at almost 8 pounds, gives fans of BBW a new way to live out their fantasies.

"Topco Sales outdid themselves with my coochie," Flores said. "She is an exact replica of me - big, bold and beautiful."

Molded directly from the star, the piece realistically replicates April's fleshy folds and soft, ample thighs. It is the first BBW piece in the company's Wildfire Celebrity Series. It is waterproof, phthalate-free, and made in the U.S.

"April Flores is the first plus-sized star to have her body made available to the consumer by Topco Sales," said Desiree Duffie, director of marketing and public relations for Topco Sales. "We are thrilled that she has chosen to work exclusively with us to bring her toys to BBW fans."

April Flores has starred in numerous films and has been featured in countless magazines. Voted one of Fleshbot's Crush Objects of 2006, she has a massive and rabid following within the BBW fan community.

Who would you rather bang?

I am not surprised by Ann Coulter's rant about Meghan McCain's weight. Listen, Ann, lots of men enjoy a woman with a little meat on their bones. If you consider Meghan fat, you need to have your head examined. She is gorgeous. You are not. You haven't even seen better days. You've always been a dried up, bitter douche. If you clear the cobwebs from your rancid meat pie, perhaps someone will give you the O you so desperately need.

I am not surprised, because, once again, Ann baby demonstrates her intelligence. She can't even come up with a legitimate criticism of Meghan, so she resorts to a weight slam. How very third grade of her. I can hear her now, "Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the kitchen door..." Yes, Ann, you're brilliant, just like a bright, shiny turd.

AT THE MOVIES

He's sitting next to me. We are silent. Our eyes are fixed on the screen. I can smell him. Testosterone fills the air. He's not concentrating on the movie. He's distracted by my tits and memories of past encounters between his dick and I. I can smell him. The stale air is thick with old popcorn and desire. I can smell him. There's lust and filth filtering through my nostrils. He's jonesing. He wants it. He thinks I might be watching the film. He's being polite. He's not coming on to me. I might be enthralled with the formulaic blather sputtering through the speaker or the mundane scenes flickering from the projector, so he leaves me alone.

I decide to take him.

I throw myself against him. My hand is undoing his belt. I'm unbuttoning his pants before he can protest. He's unzipped before he can utter a word. He can't talk now. My lips are pressed against his. My tongue is worming its way into his mouth. My tongue grabs his and they wrestle. My hand is fiddling with his penis, freeing it from his pants.

I know what he needs, a good build up. I'll bring him close and take him back. I'll tease his cock until he begs for release.

I look into his eyes. I don't let him look away. I never look down. My hand has eyes. My hand is on automatic. I'm in his head. I know what it wants. I know how to work it. My mouth never leaves his. I kiss him passionately. His kisses plead his case. I ignore his appeal. I play his dick like a fiddle, back and forth, up and down. The rhythm of my hand. The beat of his moans. The symphony of our heat. He's close. He wants it. I know when to back off, when to press on. It's unfair. It's torture. It's sublime.

My cunt is dripping with longing. I'm craving it, but I want it to be controlled, specific. He's gonna cum when I decide the time is right. I'm in control. He wants it to conclude. He wants it to continue. We're craving release. I remove my mouth from his lips. I stare more deeply into his wanton eyes. I smile lasciviously. His eyes petition me for mercy. I stroke harder and faster in a corkscrew fashion. I'm pulling out his seed. I slow down. My touch is softer. I avoid the head. I squeeze out the last of his spirit. His eyes close. His breath slows. The moans subside. My cunt drips between my thighs.

No napkins or tissues. I lean over and lap up his cum. No need for napkins or tissues. The taste has me feverish. I grab his hand and suck his fingers. I push them under my skirt and into my twat. I pull his fingers out and stick them back in my mouth. My juices taste like sex. I smell sex. Cunt. I reach down and stroke my clit. I rub myself while I lick the last of my sex off his fingers. I cum. I squirt. No napkins or tissues. It'll have to soak into the seat in front of me. No need for napkins or tissues.

We're done. The movie is over. He pulls the car out of the noisy parking garage. He's hoping for road head. He'll get it. No need for napkins or tissues.

NO EXCUSE FOR BAD BREATH

Why is it always the guys with foul breath who insist on attacking you with their lizard tongue? I love to kiss, but not when it makes me gag. If a lady asks you to gargle, put the mouthwash in your mouth and gargle until the count of sixty. The lady shouldn't even have to ask you to do this. Good breath is basic hygiene and easy to accomplish.

Bad breath lives on your tongue. It's that thing in your mouth that helps you speak and taste stuff, the thing you like to awkwardly jab down your victim's throat. Basic oral hygiene 101 dictates that you brush your teeth and floss thoroughly every morning and every evening before you go to bed.

If you have a date, brush your teeth no more than an hour before it. More importantly, brush your tongue. My toothbrush has a tongue scraper on the backside of the regular bristle head. Go as far back as you can. I can control my gag reflex so well that I can brush all the way down to my lungs, but this is unnecessary. Just do your best to brush as far back as possible on your tongue. Holding your breath helps. Then, use mouthwash. Then, chew a piece of Eclipse or another brand of minty gum that is specifically designed to freshen breath.

When you arrive at your date's place or she arrives at your place, spit out your gum. Wait until the last minute to do this. The gum should be chewed for at least a half hour to have the proper effect.

If you follow my advice, you will find that you are smothered in kisses by your date, instead of watching her cover her nose with her hand as she backs away.

Imagine that!

THE ALTERED STATE OF DRUGGACHUSETTES

Sometimes, I wish I did drugs. LOL.

LUST

$1,000,000 to the person who can bring her to me dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with anime puffs in her pigtails and cute Mary Jane shoes on her feet, so I can ravage every inch of her hot body with my perverted mouth and hands. Look at those tits!

DENTISTS ARE KINKY

I waited for him upstairs in my candlelit bedroom. I left the front door open, so he could slip in quietly. He took off his boots and locked the front door behind him. I heard him on the stairs. My heart pounded in my ears. He came through my bedroom door, adjusting his eyes to the dim light. I told him to make himself more comfortable. He asked me how comfortable. I told him to strip. I was feeling rather dominant. It was his lucky day.

He got nude and laid on the bed as instructed. I asked him what kind of music he likes and turned on my tunes. I was ready to rock. I laid next to him and got down by his dick, which was semi-hard. I started petting his prick, making it harder with each teasing stroke. I was getting really turned on. I could feel my hairy cunt moistening between my legs. I wanted to hop on his dick, but the urge to torture and torment overcame my lust to satisfy my kitty. His cock and ass were mine!

I grabbed a medium butt plug, a long vibrator, a bottle of lube, my riding crop, and the tie from my silk robe. I giggled and noticed he was a bit startled. I caught him staring at my cleavage which spilled out of my plum-colored silk, floor-length negligie. I slipped next to him and heard him exclaim, "You like being in charge, don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, I like a little control. It depends on my mood."

I hopped off the bed and moved to the side where he was laying. I reached underneath the bed, and pulled out one of the four-point restraints hidden there. I secured his left wrist. The corner of my eye caught sight of his cock growing. This kinky little bitch needed to be used by a horny slut like me. He was going to be my bitch.

I got on the bed next to him and told him to roll over on his left side. I told him to reach back with his right hand and spread his asscheeks for me. I wanted his asshole exposed. I poured a little lube on his bunghole and lubed up the vibrator. I slid it in gently and turned it on. I needed to fuck his ass. My cunt was getting hot. I could feel its steamy wetness dribbling down my thigh.

I gently pumped the vibrator in and out of his ass and told him to roll on his back. His cock was really hard. I took it in my mouth and licked the shaft, teasing the head with flicks of my tongue. I heard him groan with the movements of my mouth on his cock.

If I saw the vibrator slipping out, I would gently push it back in, but his wanton asshole was greedily keeping it in place. It would only pop out as the result of the flexing of his pelvic muscles, which was induced by my deep throating. His cock pulsed as I went down its entirety. The vibrating stimulation to his prostate was intensifying the actions of my mouth.

I turned my attention to his ballsack, licking and softly sucking his nuts. He groaned louder and told me how good it felt. I fucked his ass with the vibrator as I covered his scrotum with my shiny saliva. His balls were shaved smooth, perfect for my lavish attention. I fucked his ass, licked his balls, and stroked his cock. He groaned and shot his first load.

I gave him tissues and baby wipes to clean up his spunk while I prepared the butt plug with a condom and generous lube. I told him to roll over again and spread his asscheeks as he had before. I inserted the thick butt plug into his anus and made him roll over onto his back. I took the robe tie in my hands and wrapped it tightly around the base of his balls and cock, winding it until his package had a leash for me to tug. I tugged it, arousing his rod to stiffness. I used the riding crop to tap softly on his balls and cock, teasing him with the threat of my weapon. I used the crop to urge his dick into its fullest erection.

I went down on him again, deep throating him with every other stroke of my mouth. Then, I told him I was going to tease his prick until it came into my mouth. I told him I would make him taste his own cum on my lips after he came. His cock pulsed and he shot a huge load on his stomach. I kept stroking his cock lightly, avoiding the sensitive head, squeezing out every last drop of his jizz.

We went on like this for hours...

BEST MOVIE FIGHT EVER

No matter how many times I see this fight it still cracks me up...no pun intended.

Transportation

I found the perfect ways for me to get around. :-)

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday today.

Filthy Gorgeous

Has anyone seen Filthy Gorgeous?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0896809

It is a short made-for-cable film (1 hr) that is supposedly a character study of the clients and employees (both male and female) of an escort agency.

I need to know if it's worth my time to watch it. The few minutes I caught of it on cable seemed interesting.

Snap Shot From a Shower

We climbed out of the tub and into the huge shower. It had two massaging shower heads and a corner seat. We needed to rinse off after our tryst in the spa tub. There was plenty of hot water to stream over our wanton bodies. I told him I wanted to wash his hair. I asked him to face away from me. He stood in front of me, three feet of gorgeous hair cascading down his back, the ends hitting the top of his rear end. It was soaking wet from the shower.

I poured the hotel shampoo into my palm and massaged it into his scalp. The length of his hair required the entire bottle. I saturated every strand, then began a sensual scalp massage. He tilted his head back, enjoying the sensations and attention. Slowly, I used my nails and fingertips to rub away his stress and cleanse his hair. I told him to rinse and reached for the conditioner.

Again, I used my hands to work the product into his hair, making the task as sensual as possible. I could tell he enjoyed the attention. Don't we all? We rinsed the conditioner from his hair and kissed.

I took care of my hair, scrubbed my face, and washed my body with my perfumed shower gel. It was time to shave. I finished my underarms and moved to my legs. He watched with a smile on his face as I completed shaving my last leg. "Would you mind shaving my pussy?" I asked. His eyes opened wide and he uttered, "I'd love to." I handed him my ladies shaving cream and sharp razor and sat on the marble seat in the corner of the shower stall.

I leaned back and spread my legs, exposing my twat to him. My pussy hair was drenched from the shower, plastering my mound against my skin. I told him to squirt some of the shaving cream into his palm, work it into a lather, then cover my slutty pussy with it. He worked the lather into my cunt hair, making sure her covered it thickly with the scented shaving cream. His hand moving against my wanton triangle turned me on. My clit swelled and tingled, causing my juices to flow into my snatch, making it slippery and wet for what was to come.

He knelt on the cold marble and stared at my gash. He assessed his task and carefully began the hair removal using slow, deliberate strokes. As he moved the razor over my pussy I saw his cock grow. By the time he rinsed my long, reddish-brown pubes from the razor, his cock was rock hard. My cunt was soaked. My desires grew. I wanted his dick inside me. He finished the first pass, rinsed me thoroughly, and lathered me again. He went over his initial strokes again, pressing harder this time, shaving me baby-smooth. He shaved me bare.

I leaned back further, spread my legs wider, and asked him to shave any stray hairs around my anus. I like my asshole smooth for tongues, toys, and cocks. He held my ass cheeks apart with one hand and shaved with the other, working until my butt hole was as smooth as my snatch. He rinsed me repeatedly until all traces of the shaving cream were gone and my smooth nether-regions were sweetly scented and ready for action.

I stood up and kissed him under the flow from the shower. As we kissed, he tweaked my nipples
and I softly stroked his rod. I bent over the corner seat and wiggled my ass at him. I wanted it in both holes. I was lusting for a prick. I didn't care where it went, as long as it filled me. His long, fat cock would do the trick.

He came behind me, grabbed my ass, and shoved his cock deep in my freshly shaved kitty. He pumped me hard and fast. I could hear the wetness of my pussy over the noise from the falling water. "You're making me so fucking wet," I cried. "Fuck me, make me come. Give it to me." I came over and over. I lost track of the orgasms, wave after heady wave making me dizzy with delight. I could feel my slimy cunt juices sliding down my thighs.

He kept pumping me through my climaxes, making them intense beyond belief. He fucked me long and hard with an animal thrust. I could hear him moan and knew he was close. I bounced back on his dick, milking out his orgasm. He erupted loudly. His dick filled my cunt with jizz. I couldn't believe how much he was pumping into me. I could feel his prick pulse with each shot. He kept shooting and shooting. It was an unbelievable amount of cum. He filled me completely. The cum ran down my thighs, joining my juices, and swirling down the drain.

We both breathed hot and hard. We kept gently moving against each other, eking out the last juices from our privates. We held each other under the water and washed ourselves, cleaning our juices off each other. We rinsed, turned off the water, and toweled off. We fell naked into bed and discussed our next move.

To be continued in the elevator...

Snap Shot From a Spa Tub

The bubbles and warm water swirling around my body were getting me in the mood. I felt relaxed and naughty. That familiar tingle was running through my wet cunt. He was facing me, our legs intertwined. I reached under the water and grabbed his cock, which was already stiff. I slowly teased him by stroking his hard prick, looking him square in his eyes, an evil grin on my face. "My cock feels so hard," he said. "It is," I replied. I stroked him slowly and deliberately, taking pleasure in keeping him on the edge. I felt his dick twitch in my hand. I knew he was close. "I want you to cum in the water, so I can bathe in it," I said. The thought of his jizz swirling around me, fresh out of his spent cock, made me hot. My snatch was wet with desire. I stroked him with one hand and fingered my sopping wet pussy with the other. I rubbed my pleasure button with my left middle finger while my right hand expertly worked his hose. I backed off when I guessed he was getting close to shooting his wad. I wanted him to beg for it, to need it. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back. Occasionally, he let out a soft moan, a quiet plea for release. "Not yet," I teased. He groaned. I increased the pace and depth of my stroke. He was so close, so ready to explode. I was ready for his cum-bath. I was going to let him go. "Do it, shoot it, cum for me," I commanded. I felt a warm rush over my hand. He was groaning loudly, making animal sounds. He was cumming into our water. I moved my stroking hand to my tit and teased my nipple while my finger finished the job on my clit. I came hard and loud, my noises echoing off the high ceilings. We blissfully soaked in the jizz water for another hour, then the two of us got into the double-headed shower and washed off each other.

To be continued in the shower...

A TRUE STORY - CHAPTER TWO

I eagerly anticipated returning for the completion of my dental cleaning. My first visit left lust in my heart for my sexy dentist and his mighty tool. The day finally arrived. I was scheduled for my follow-up visit.

I wore fishnet pantyhose. I decided access needed to be made easier, so I ripped out the crotch of my fishnets, so my dentist could take me at his will. I didn't wear panties. I added high heels, a pair of black patent leather Mary Jane pumps; naughty, but nice. A black lace push-up bra made my huge tits look enormous in my black velvet skirt and sweater. I accessorized with a few modest jewels and ran out the door.

I drove frantically, chomping at the bit for my dentist's sweet cock. Seconds seemed minutes as I neared my destination. I nervously parked my car, my mind racing with possibilities. My dentist was in charge this time. I wondered what he had in store for me. I walked to his building and rode the elevator to his floor. All the while my mind hashed through scenario after scenario, each one steamier than the last.

I knocked quickly, entered hastily, and yelled, "Hello?" He emerged from the back office looking hotter than ever. His scrubs fit loosely. I could see his sexy chest in his v-neck, a strong chest with soft salt and pepper hair that begged to be stroked and nuzzled. His dick was pulsing in his pants. I could see it thicken and knew he was as eager as I. I went to kiss him, but he had other plans. Our deep kiss turned into a quick peck as he grabbed my hair and gently led me to the office where we screwed last time.

He forcefully pushed me to my knees, took his cock out of his scrub pants and underwear, and shoved it between my moist lips. Furiously, he pumped my mouth. I took his prick deep, all the way down my throat like the anxious slut I was. He had my head in his hands, using them to pump my mouth on his cock at the pace he desired. He forced my head back and forth on his stiff joint.

I swallowed his member again and again. I felt his dick get harder as he pumped. His moans deepened as I took him whole and greedily swallowed his pre-cum. His sweet juice was lubricating my throat, so he could pound deeper. Suddenly, he erupted deep in my throat. I felt his spunk shoot down my throat and into my belly. I waited until he was done pulsing his cum down my gullet; then I lapped at his cock and balls, cleaning him up, so he could stuff his beautiful member back into his underpants.

I straightened myself up and hopped into his dental chair. My pussy was soaked. My cunt juices dripped down my gash and onto my bottom. My twat was wet with desire for his man meat. My pussy walls twitched with need and my clit pulsed with wanton lust. I needed a prick rammed in my cunt so bad I could taste it. I wanted it, but I had to wait.

He prepared his tray and sat next to me in his chair. I leaned over, looked him square in the eye, rubbed his tool through his pants, and silently challenged him to focus on the task at hand, instead of letting his mind wander to his cock and what I wanted to do to it. He suggested we get down to business in a serious tone.

He began my cleaning with a sonic instrument that vibrated against my teeth. The sensation made my nipples raging hard. I stopped him and told him what was happening to my tits. He uttered a few words, wondering if that always happened to his female patients. I suggested that it must and from now on he'd be tempted to check out each female patient's boobs to see if their nips poked out like mine, as he used his vibrating tool.

He returned to his work. My nipples were fully erect, so hard they almost hurt. I savored the feeling in my jugs as my twat grew wetter. I closed my eyes and fantasized about him taking me up the ass, bending me over the dental chair and forcing his hard prick deep in my asshole. I imagined him tugging on my hair and calling me a slut while he rammed his dick deep inside my ass.

In my dream, he used my hair for leverage, so he could ram his member up my ass as deep and hard and fast as possible, showing me no mercy as he used my butthole for his pleasure. In my fantasy, he came long and hard in my bottom, filling me with his hot jizz. I snapped back to reality and opened my eyes.

He finished my cleaning by polishing my teeth. Throughout the cleaning, I rubbed his unit through his pants, teasing him, playfully egging him on, challenging him to use me for his pleasure. He finished my teeth. I rinsed and spit a few times, suddenly realizing I was running late for a lunch date. I explained my situation and begged his forgiveness for my early departure.

Frustrated, I got myself together and gathered my things. My cunt juices dripped out of my snatch soaking my thighs with sticky goo. I needed a good pounding so bad. My pussy twitched and pulsed. I was his to use, but time was our enemy. I thanked him, gave him a peck on the lips, and went out the door.

He followed me to the elevator, riding down with me, so he could grab some lunch. A woman got on a couple of floors down. I looked at him, smirked, and tweaked my nipples through my sweater, teasing him behind the woman's back.

I stumbled back to my car, drunk with desire. I eyed every man I passed, surveying their crotch and wondering what it would be like to fuck them. I got into the driver's seat like a nasty slut, flashing a young man who passed by. He was an attractive Asian gentleman who eyed my bare twat as I slowly got into my car, spreading my legs and hiking up my skirt while doing so.

I needed to drive to the mall to meet a lunch date. I prayed he'd fuck me silly and use me as his slut. I drove toward the mall restaurant entrance re-living the past two hours in my head and hoping to be satisfied shortly.

Lilacs

My childhood memories of spring are driven by lilacs.

My grandmothers were both great lovers of lilacs. They had many bushes in their yards; white, pink, and deep purple filled the eye. The heady fragrance was sometimes dizzying. I often took refuge under the heavily laden branches during a game of hide and seek. I remember the petals invading my hair and sticking to my clothes.

The scent of those flowers would fill my nose and remain with me long into the night, even as I lay tightly tucked into a den sofa bed. The smell would waft through an open window along with the chatter of crickets and tree frogs. My heavy eyelids would fight sleep as I strained to hear the Pinochle conversation coming from the dining room. I drifted off to the drone of distant political discussions interrupted by occasional bids.

One of the only photos of my paternal grandmother as a young woman is her standing in front of a giant lilac bush. She planted a new lilac every year until there was no more space to add a fragrant bush.

My maternal grandmother had an obsession for gardening. Roses were her specialty, but spring was a time for bulbs and lilacs. Her lilacs were show-pieces, big beautiful bushes so full of flowers one couldn't see the branches. I would watch and listen as she bestowed my mother with her gardening wisdom. Unknowingly, I absorbed a green thumb over the years of visits to my maternal grandparents.